Tomorrow is Saturday, and as a ritual that it is, a section of Kenyans on Twitter will flood the TL with some quotes supposedly to be a guide for men on growth. These Tweets are generated by a user called Amerix, and then his cult like following spreads the gospel using different hashtags like Masculinity Saturday and Better Together. With the growth in technology and of course social media, a lot of people have found a way to make public their opinions, which is a good thing if you ask me. Apart from Amerix who has achieved a huge deal of fame through his masculinity Saturday Tweet, other men have also jumped into the bandwagon of guiding other men on how to treat emotions and relationships. On the same Twitter platform, there is a renowned user with the username Masculinity Rediscovered who preaches the same gospel. In the recent times, former Kiss FM Radio Presenter Andrew Kibe has joined this club of masculinity rabbis through his vlogs and social media and he has actually become the Chief Priest if his huge audience in his live preaching is anything to rely on. My search on the masculinity sites also led me to a guy called 98so Savage. I believe there are more masculinity warriors but then the above mentioned are widely known and have huge disciplined followings.
They all preach what can be interpreted as numbness to men. For them, men who show emotions are weak and susceptible to manipulation from women they date/ in romantic relationships with, only raising a question of whether men only enter relationships with their enemies. They advise men to show little or no emotions and remain dominantly wild and masculine towards any romantic encounters. They have also devised roles that men should carry out and marked out taboos that a masculine man should not be associated with. In broadening their scope, they have also categorized women into those who can be dated and those who should not be dated due to the characteristics best known to them. Men who fail at the qualities and traits defined as masculine are normally ridiculed and laughed at. They are christened simps. The men who show emotions to women, the men who take care of their partners, the men who give attention and affection to their partners. To these masculinity teachers, a man should remain as numb as possible, just like a lion in Maasai Mara.
Upon a close scrutiny, I realized that these four influencers (the masculinity preachers mentioned above) have in the past experienced life shattering heartbreaks. Well, heartbreaks are pathetic. Heartbreaks can literally kill you. Heartbreaks resulting from betrayal can actually make you change completely. Of course you all know of the story of Lord Egerton (the settler who donated the land where Egerton University sits own today). That man was done bad I tell you. It is only a fact that unrealized romantic expectations can leave a man raged and probably changed in his own beliefs and personalities. This therefore largely explains the reason behind these very sharp and critical sentiments by these self proclaimed saviours of men. They echo each other that they need to guide other men so that they do not go through the same. Upon another close scrutiny, I realized that their fanatics or in this case congregations are largely people suffering from recent heart breaks, and therefore cling on anything for the hope of approval-pretty normal for a broken soul.
But my problem and disagreement from the philosophies of these masculinity bishops arise here; most of what they preach is impossible. To start, we are all normal human beings. Any normal human being is vulnerable and craves for emotional attachments, gender notwithstanding. The very basis that these bishops peg their gospel on is that men should suppress their very own need for vulnerability because by doing so, they become low level men. In my opinion, I find this extremely impractical. I also largely depart from their philosophy about men overly dominating and directing their partners. Come on, this is 2021 and not 1889BC where both genders have the same opportunities and capabilities. The modern woman has broken the ceiling and ventured into what was traditionally believed to be exclusively manly. Dictating such a person is illogical and improbable unless you get yourself a woman extremely lower than you in everything. I am sure you wouldn’t like that.
These masculinity teachers also sharply warn men against publicly showing their emotions to women. They tell men to abhor practices like kneeling to propose, buying gifts, being romantic and such luvvy duvvy stuff. They say such practices increase the chances of being dumped, hurt and manipulated. Well, I am yet to find sense in this.
Finally this is my take, while Amerix and other like minded masculinity preachers are doing quite a good job in trying to create a space for men, they have become so toxic in their ideas and started to spread opinions that are obnoxious and which only lead frustrating romantic relationships. I believe that any relationship is defined by those who formed it and that as long as there exist good will and commitment then no external opinions should change the course of the relationship. And again, any person should understand that a romantic relationship is a gamble, probably the biggest gamble that has ever existed, and you should get into it knowing very well that it is a gamble and if the woman you are dating was to dump you, they will still do so however much numbness you practise.
And huge shoutouts to guys out there who have refused to swim into this modern day peer pressure of staying toxic and numb which is falsely being painted as true masculinity. I do not think there is anything masculine about being toxic, careless, numb and dictatorial.