THE UNPLEASANT RUSH TO SEEK VALIDATION

It is one of those Saturday evenings where I find myself quite bored therefore I turn to my WhatsApp so that I can read those many unread texts, at least turning some greyticks into blueticks and replying to those that deserve one. As I go through these unread chats, I notice this particular group of my former school. The unread texts in this group chat are more than 1000 so I decide to take a closer look at what could have happened to have these highly testosterone charged gents to engage in such an intelligible  conversation generating so many messages. As you know, a group of young and imaginative lads usually have three constant topics that they talk about. If they are not talking about football, then it is the girls you know or politics. As I took a closer look at the chats, a heated debate about who is the GOAT between Messi and Ronaldo was missing, there was also no discussion about whose hands are Kenyans safe between Raila Odinga and William Ruto, therefore the conversation of the day was about them girls. Well, when a group of exclusive boys talk about girls then you must know that the particular conversation is tantalizing. Expecting great content, I picked up my glasses because I would keep my eyes closer to the screen without the sharp rays turning me blind.


So I decide to follow these 1000 texts conversation closely and something strikes my eyes. The conversation apparently was about who has gotten a chance to get cossy and hit the sheets with the highest number of lasses. Or in other words, which cock has had a chance to crow the loudest among other cocks. Every other lad embroiled in this conversation provided pictorial evidence both in screenshots and images. Indeed my brothers are eating life with a big spoon, mean whilst some of us are pushing the darkness solo like machetes, bros out here are having beds warmed the entire night long. During this conversation however, I noticed one brother who was really struggling to prove that indeed just like the rest, his reproductive parts had not transformed into vestigial organs and that he was very active in God created game. However, it was very apparent that he was really struggling to build his case among his counterparts who came out as very experienced and sure. Let us call this poor lad Majisifu. As I continued to follow the conversation, I realized that Majisifu could not vividly explain himself and answer some very stern questions that were coming from the conversation. From my own analysis, Majisifu was definitely among those experiencing very concentrated periods of Iron (3) Oxide famously known as kutu in the streets. However, due to pressure from his peers, he seemingly lied about how well and often his flower is irrigated, probably because he wanted to fit in and get validation from these boyz who are definitely eaters of flesh. The occurrences of this day got me deeply thinking about how many of us go through the same struggles of Majisifu almost daily in our lives- the need for validation!


You see, we live in the age of social media where apparently everyone is doing perfect except you. If they are not holidaying in Maldives, then they are partying in some high end club in uptown, or headed for a road trip up in North Eastern with heavy fuel guzzlers. Apparently, everyone on social media is living the best life except you. Your age mates are already bagging degrees and earning six digit salaries while you here  cannot even afford your bedsitter in Ngara and you have defaulted your rent two months in a row, your other former classmate is boarding a plane at JKIA to go and start his studies at a prestigious Ivy League in the US while you can barely raise fees to attend a beauty college in town, or probably you are like Majisifu, your bosom buddies are here harvesting the wet crack but the nearest nearest you can get to it is through those funny sites in your browser history, or even your ex is being taken for a date at Kempinski with his new man who snatched her away from you while you cannot even afford the day’s lunch at your local kwa mathee joint.

Social media has created and perfected the image that the person on the other end is doing perfectly okay while you on this end is doing very poorly, and this has created the constant need to seek validation. It has become a common sight to find everyone trying to prove to the online strangers how happy and successful they are. Immediately you get accepted to that job you had applied to, you run to announce to the online strangers, as soon as you bag a new partner, the social media in laws must be in the know asap, or still, you got a chance to board that plane for the very first time then all those on your timeline must know how you are flying 30,000 feet above the sea level in cloud nine. The need of seeking approval and validation has gotten to its peak. Mean, you can just have your favourite whisky without announcing it the world, or you can have your date without necessarily posting the pictures of how you are eating a full chicken by yourself, or still you can be very happy in your relationship and enjoying every moment with your partner without having the need to post it every now and again on your WhatsApp Status updates.


The need of validation has seemingly made us to avoid living lives in our personal lane.” Guess what, I have just seen my friend posting how she is hiking on Mount Kilimanjaro today, I have to go also and hike and post it so that she knows I am also doing well” once told me a friend. Yes, she ended up taking a very unnecessary trip to Kilimanjaro so as to post for her friends to see how well she is doing. A few months later, I heard that she deferred school because of lack of school fees. I have over the years learnt that proving to the world that you are well off takes more resources and is more demanding than not doing so. I think it is time people learnt that being silent on social media does not mean you are not doing fine, just as otherwise is true. And again, it is perfectly okay to struggle and not be at your perfection.


You are 20, all your friends are cuffed and are having the Sunday afternoon cuddles except you, perfectly fine. It is a Friday night, and all your friends are attending that house party in Juja as you stay lonely in your house waiting to sleep away, perfectly fine. It is that karaoke night and you do not enjoy Trap Music instead you enjoy that Bongo song with their signature Wasafi introduction before every track, extremely fine. Your friends are going for a weekend pool party and for some reasons, your conscience and values cannot allow you to, perfectly fine. It is the weekend and your boys are going for that road trip in Namanga and they asked you to contribute some Five hundred bob but you do not have the cash, perfectly fine.  You know what is not fine? Trying to fake everything so that you can fit it and get some validation. It is a birthday party, and for your very well established reasons you are sure that drinking is not for you but you still go on and drink because your crew is drinking, this is not okay. You just got a new partner and for your legitimate reasons you feel like it is not yet time to roll the sheets but you still go on to do it against your conscience, this is not okay. You just bagged that girl everyone has been salivating and she keeps asking for dates that you cannot afford, but instead of telling her the truth, you end up straining yourself to make her happy and make yourself appear happy, this is definitely not okay.


As Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “Be yourself! All you are now doing, thinking, desiring is not yourself.” I therefore urge any reader of this piece that there is beauty in being in your unique self without need of faking or seeking validation. The world would indeed be a great place if everyone is guided by their own conscience, abilities and principles. But as long as we do things because others are doing them, or in hunger of online validation then we will continue living in other people’s shadows and not achieving our own potential. I believe that everyone has their own distinct destiny and path and that with hardwork and of course some little luck, then we are all gonna achieve our potential and trust me when you get successful, you will not have the itchy need to announce to the entire world about it for the sake of some likes. Just like you will never see Elon Musk posting all over that very soon he will be the richest human being in the history of man’s existence.
Live and let live. 

By Lincoln Oyugi

Just as Isaac Newton died a virgin, I'll die a writer!

5 comments

  1. What a piece of information full of insights with flow of thoughts and relevancy at its peak!!!! It cannot be put better way than you have put it brother. Keep informing us so far so good am really enjoying your your well thought out writings. Every time I check out on my email and spot Lincoln, without a pause I dive into it. Keep the spirit high.

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